Surviving Back to Work

Tomorrow marks the end of my fifth week back at work. I’ve been back to work five weeks. FIVE WEEKS! As fast as that year off passed, I’m pretty certain the past month plus passed faster. I feels like just yesterday was April 16 and I was putting on my “sitting shoes” (you ladies know what I’m talking about, the pretty, high heeled shoes you wear only for sitting, because walking anywhere further than a photo copier or water cooler would be stupid and painful and stupid… )

Practical? No. Pretty? Most definitely!

But I digress... it feels just yesterday that I was putting those shoes on for the first time in about a year and heading out the door into a brand new world, the world of the working mom. It feels like I blinked and I was back at it more than a month. Here’s how I survived.

I mentally prepared myself. I told everyone I was ready, looking forward to going back. And I was, it just helped to be saying that out loud over and over every time someone asked. You say it and it becomes true. Even when there’s a shadow of a doubt, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I am fortunate to like what I do for a living, to like where I work, and to be surrounded by colleagues who are of the same mind, generally speaking. I also like to think about things other than diapers and bibs, to challenge my mind. While I loved being off, I was looking forward to the change. And just saying it out loud to family and friends reinforced that for me so that when a moment of doubt came creeping in, I was able to kick it back out and say it to myself.

I found awesome care arrangements. I realize many people struggle with care arrangements, so I count my blessings that my best friend was able to take Hudson P for us. Having him in a home where I am confident he is picked up when crying, fed when hungry, changed when wet, cuddled when sleepy, and just loved all day made that transition back to work significantly easier on my heart and my mind. I urge every momma out there to try to do the same. Look early, plan accordingly. I know actual daycare places are hard to come by, particularly for babies under two, and that they generally cost an arm and a leg. I also know it would be hard to leave HP with a stranger in their home. But taking the time to find that place, that environment, that person that makes your heart simply feel right is key.

I planned the transition. As a general rule, I like to feel like I’ve got a handle on things, which naturally makes me a planner. Heading back to work was no different. I planned Hudson’s transition into care. He and I went by for a couple of play dates/visits in the weeks leading up to my return date. I also made sure to plan a solo visit for him, where I could stay for a bit and then leave (with an appointment at the hair salon, so I wasn’t tempted to go back early!). That helped me feel confident he knew the environment where he’d be spending his days. I also planned meals. I stocked the freezer with some soups, chili, and casseroles in lunch and supper sized portions, along with muffins for breakfasts, and sweets for evening treats. Knowing that meals were taken care of after long days or during morning rushes was key those first couple of weeks.

Crawling around at Aunt Sandy's - enjoying the new toys!

I went with flow. Not my forte (at least in my personal life!) let me tell ya, but I decided to go with it. If I've been running late for work, I took a deep breath and just worked through lunch or late on the other end to make up for it. If the furniture was dusty, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes (to wit, I dusted on Wednesday for the first time in five weeks, I probably shouldn't admit that, but it's true). If that laundry didn’t get done til the weekend, I took a deep breath and remembered we all have more than enough clothes to wear. As a result, I have a growing pile of wrinkly clean clothes on the ironing board, fingerprints all over the front of the flat screen and fridge, and a happy me. I focus on making sure everything looks tidy and that the floor is swept, and I’m all good. Seriously, just go with the flow.

And, before I knew it, five weeks have come and gone and we’re no worse for the wear. There were no tears on the first day back, for me or HP. Hudson has adjusted well to his new situation, loves seeing his little buddies in the morning and his ‘rents in the evening. We’ve not starved to death. We’re all in clean clothes (even if a little wrinkly). I’ve managed to keep up with race training and groceries, but maybe not all the housekeeping. And it’s all ok. We’re just getting into a new rhythm at the Ryan household. Some days it’s more of a dance than we’ve been used to, but it’s a rhythm we can groove to for the long haul.

Our Family Rhythm

You know when you're reading a good book, how you can't put it down? I find those books have a sort of rhythm to the words. Not in the way of a rhyme or beat, but just that cadence that draws you in and carries you through the pages effortlessly, with great intrigue. It's easy, it's fun, it's interesting. You enjoy it, want more of it, and hate for the last page to come. Families are the same. There's a rhythm to the days that you come to enjoy and expect. Yet, more often than not, that rhythm inevitably changes and you find yourself in the pages of a new story.

For the past five plus months, our family has enjoyed a very nice, peaceful rhythm. As some of you know, Des had taken a leave of absence from his ad agency position and, from August until last week, he had been home with us. While the instigation for the change was not ideal, having him home was awesome. We quickly settled into our new routine and the changed cadence of our days.

Two parents to one child - albeit one very sleepless child - made life a lot more sane. We settled into taking turns on the night shifts and early morning shifts. We could trade off on midday naps when necessary {which was much more often than we would have preferred}. Mid-week afternoon coffee dates were a common occurrence, as we were walks and hikes and hanging out in our PJs. One of us would do grocery runs and banking and other errands sans baby, getting it done faster and at more convenient times, while the other enjoyed playtime and snuggles at home. We could head out of town to Nanny's on a whim and stay as long as we wanted {thanks again Nanny!}. The rhythm of our days, even if they followed many a sleepless night, was good.

More importantly, HP got to spend lots of one-on-one time with each parent and even more time as a family together. That his first word was Dada is evidence enough for me that having Des home with us was worth the financial strain {let's be honest two people on leaves from work does not pay well}. In fact it was so worth it that it makes me want to advocate for all families being able to benefit from some joint parental leave time. Especially in those very early days when life goes topsy-turvy on you. Alas, I expect the national EI system wouldn't be so quick to pay out. I digress.

Last week, those family days came to an end. Late in 2011 Des resigned his agency position and accepted a new gig, which he started last Monday. Des went off to work, coffee in hand, waving bye-bye from the driveway. Then it was just me and HP for the whole day, for the first time perhaps in months. The rest of the week came and went. While Des went off to work, HP and I filled our days with play + snuggles + naps. We got groceries together, a little slower than going solo, but fun too. We ran errands - I was never so grateful for drive-through banking and coffee shops before! I figured out that morning naps are better times to fit in my run and, if lucky, a shower too. We met other mamas-n-babes for a winter walk in the park and a post-walk cocoa, so nice. We visited Grandma and cousins. We even fixed a car.

Before we knew it, the weekend was here and daddy was home again. This week we're planning more of the same. The rhythm of our family has changed. The cadence of the days is different and we're getting used to the way it feels now. Like any good book, I was enjoying the story of three at home so much I almost dreaded the arrival of that last page. Yet, at the same time, I was so very happy to see what would come next, what the sequel would hold in store if you will. So far, the rhythm of the sequel feels ok too.

Don't Carpe Diem

I read a blog entry yesterday on HuffingPost.com and thought it was worth sharing. Yes it's a post about parenting. Yes it's a post by a momma. But it is also a post that offers a refreshing perspective on viewing the daily challenge that is childrearing. Enjoy Don't Carpe Diem by Glennon Melton.

Oh, and I hope you Carpe a couple of Kairoses today!

Will.I.Am, You're A Saving Grace

Sometimes I just need a short distraction for Hudson while I toss in a load of laundry, finish prepping supper or take a quick potty break. These days, Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas is a saving grace. Yes, Will.I.Am. His stint on Sesame Street is a clear favourite in our house. I put Hudson in his exersaucer, prop the laptop on the floor, bring up YouTube, and press play {and replay as needed}.

image from heatworld.com

It is way. too. cute. The kid simply sits/stands there, smiles, and stares. And it can't just be any video. Seems that Sesame Street videos with music stars, including Will.I.Am, Feist and Katy Perry (yes, where she's wearing the too-racy-for-kid-tv controversial dress) are top preferences. They hold his attention much longer and much more intensely than many other kid-friendly ones we've played. Playing videos and TV are not high on my list of things to do with Hudson as a general rule, but at least these videos have positive message and cute furry monsters in them.

Just in case you're not familiar with the video, here it is for your viewing pleasure. I will warn you, it's a catchy little tune - enjoy!

Sleep Like a Baby

Sleep like a baby. It is quite possibly one of the most inaccurate similes to grace the English language. It should be 'Sleep like a baby my a$$.' I am convinced, beyond any doubt, that the generation of the idiom came from a sleep-deprived parent uttering the words with excess sarcasm. Unfortunately, the person on the receiving end missed the facetiousness and spread the word to the rest of the world under the guise that it was indeed fact. I am also convinced, beyond any doubt, that person listening was childless.

don't let this sweet face deceive you ...

Now, if you're a parent who has an infant that miraculously slept through the night since like day zero or something crazy like that, you can stop reading here. This is not for you. I'm sure your sweet angel of a child is dozing peacefully in the bassinet nearby and you quite likely have something better to do than read my tale of torture, like knit or tat or whatever. Go enjoy your rested self. Please, don't let me interrupt you.

For the rest of you parents, who's baby doesn't (or didn't) exactly sleep like a baby, you feel my pain. My child seems to think he's going to miss something by going to sleep. It's like he thinks I'm going to break out the disco ball and have this kick-ass party when he's not looking. But I swear, changing out of my PJs into some sweats - or if there's a public outing on the agenda, some jeans - is as exciting as it gets around here. Sure, I'm ready to go back to work just so I can dressed up again. But I digress. Little dude just fights the sleep. Nap time, night time, every time.

I'm sure there will come a day when I'm trying to haul his pimply teenage butt out of bed at one in the afternoon and I'll look back on this thinking my gosh how he's changed. Right now though I just can't see it ever happening. Right now, this child of mine has to be convinced to sleep. I know right, who has to be convinced that sleep is a wonderful, wonderful thing? My child, that's who. I swear it's some sort of punishment for something I put my mother through, though I'm not sure what as I was a good little sleeper.

My child, not so much. Whether through rocking, walking or driving, the child needs some sort of motion to drift off. And even then, there are no guarantees it'll last. More often than not, once the car stops moving, the eyes open. Once the side of the crib has been breached, the eyes open. And lay him down in the crib to let him fall asleep on his own, bah-ha-ha-ha-has-hah. Now that's joke if I ever heard one. In fact, any attempt to lay him quietly, the eyes open. And we do the rocking, walking or driving all over again.  I think he thinks it's a game. Well, bud, let me tell you, mama's not a gamer.

asleep ... finally... in the car

But I am about to initiate a game of 'let's see who's the sleep boss around here mister'. You see, I recognize that some of his sleeping issues are a result of the habits we've created as parents. He was so fussy with his tummy troubles as an infant that often the only way to settle him was though a gentle rocking or swinging. So he spent a lot of time being held and rocked or in his (glorious) swing. Any naps he did get, came about that way and still do. I also realize we can't really expect him to expect much different now that we started that routine. Unless of course we teach him different.

Well, teacher mom is about to break out her stern look in the nursery. While I really don't mind rocking him to sleep, it's just that he fights sleep so much that the process can be a long one a lot of the time. Like from 2am-4am the other night. Seriously. And then back up at 5am and again at 6:40am. No joke. Again, I digress. As much as I try to enjoy the midnight snuggles knowing they are indeed fleeting moments, I know in my mommy heart of hearts that the excessive rocking and coercing to sleep is not necessary. I know he can learn to fall asleep on his own.

So soon, very soon, we will begin to change the routine. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. Once he learns to go to sleep on his own, we'll rest a little better around here. Perhaps then we'll all sleep like a baby.