It`s Feeding Time

Earlier this week CBC aired a story about kids who self-feed versus being spoon-fed (sorry I couldn't find the online link to share it). In short the story indicated that recent research showed kids who start self-feeding earlier have lower risk of obesity later on than kids who are spoon-fed. They learn to control their amount of food intake - that whole stopping when full concept - and gain an understanding of satiety. Makes sense, as I know from watching HP that he will eat as long as I'm lifting a spoon to his mouth. It is habit for him I think, more so than hunger, as he often clears every bowl of food unless it's something he really doesn't like (enter broccoli).

The same story also talked about how many parents don't self-feed earlier and continue to spoon feed purees, soups, and mashed food longer out of fear of choking. In talking to D about it, I thought about my approach to feeding HP. He can chew small pieces of food quite easily, including Cheerios, toast, and assorted veggies and fruit. However, while I regularly include bits of food on his tray, I tend to spoon-feed him most of his meal. The result is that he waits for me to put food in his mouth rather than reach for what's on his tray. Easier I suppose. In fact, it's easier for both of us and I realized that's why I do it. Not because I'm afraid he'll choke, but rather because it's easier and faster for me to spoon-feed than let him attempt it solo.

Oy! I had a moment of realizing I am doing it for him rather than letting him truly figure it out on his own because it's easier for me. In my mind's eye, I looked ahead to the many things he will have to learn to do on his own from tying his shoelaces to finishing the science project to washing his laundry. I quickly realized there will be many occasions where it will be easier for me to do it for him, but that won't really help him in the long run. So yesterday we attempted our first real focus on self-feeding. On the lunch menu were favourites including avocado, raspberries and grain puffs.

I put cut up pieces on his tray and sat down with my lunch. Instead of feeding him a bit and then eating a bit of my own, I enjoyed my sandwich, talked to him, and let him play with the food on his tray. I did show him how to pick it up and encouraged him to mimic my actions. Lo and behold, he did OK solo! First he just moved things around on the tray:

As I continued to eat and chat, he started picking bits up and bringing them to his mouth. While not always most efficient - we lost quite a few pieces in transit! - he did manage to get some in his mouth and continued to try. Once I was finished my lunch and did assist him some by picking some up and feeding to him and picking some off the tray and letting him take it from me. But for the most part he managed solo and it was quite cute to watch him work those puffs around in his hands and into his mouth!

It took much longer before we completed lunch - as in 45 minutes or more - but that was OK. I  actually noticed how he give indication he was done after a while, though whether from boredom or satiety I don`t know. Either way, I think learning taste, texture, feeding and satisfaction are all healthy habits to form early on. Sure some days there will be more assistance and spoon feeding when we need to get out the door or if we`re out and about, but I will definitely continue to encourage the self-feeding. And at the end of it, the whole thing just made him happy.

Will.I.Am, You're A Saving Grace

Sometimes I just need a short distraction for Hudson while I toss in a load of laundry, finish prepping supper or take a quick potty break. These days, Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas is a saving grace. Yes, Will.I.Am. His stint on Sesame Street is a clear favourite in our house. I put Hudson in his exersaucer, prop the laptop on the floor, bring up YouTube, and press play {and replay as needed}.

image from heatworld.com

It is way. too. cute. The kid simply sits/stands there, smiles, and stares. And it can't just be any video. Seems that Sesame Street videos with music stars, including Will.I.Am, Feist and Katy Perry (yes, where she's wearing the too-racy-for-kid-tv controversial dress) are top preferences. They hold his attention much longer and much more intensely than many other kid-friendly ones we've played. Playing videos and TV are not high on my list of things to do with Hudson as a general rule, but at least these videos have positive message and cute furry monsters in them.

Just in case you're not familiar with the video, here it is for your viewing pleasure. I will warn you, it's a catchy little tune - enjoy!

Traveling as a Trio

Not too long ago, I would see babies in the airport and silently pray that they weren't on my flight. Or at the very least not seated next to me. Over the course of many flights I had come to discover that, more often than not, babies cry on planes. Be it their ears popping, changes to a sleep schedule, the desire not to be confined, they usually cried. And generally it was a ear-piercing cry tolerable only to the youngun's parents, if even then. I would see those families in the chairs near my gate and put my head down and sigh.

Last month,we became that family. We were the ones pacing back and forth by the gate with a baby. I could almost hear the thoughts of the business travellers catching the evening flight home after a long work day on the road: "oh God there's a baby on this flight" ... "please don't let that baby be sitting near me" ... "I hope that youngster doesn't cry. Please oh please let him be a sleeper."

Interestingly enough, I found I didn't really care much what they thought. Like them, I too was hoping for a cryless flight, but I was more focused on getting our first family vacation off to a smooth and happy start. During my vacation preparation and the week-long holiday, I discovered a few things about travelling with a babe that made it much easier. I thought I'd share my top tips with you:

Pack early. The first step to getting your vacation off on the wrong foot is feeling rushed when packing. You`ll inevitably feel like you`ve forgotten something and when already dealing with baby-brain, that`s no good. I started packing for our trip about two full days before we left. When it was just me, I could pack for a trip in a couple of hours or less. I knew what I needed, where to find it, how to pack it, and life was easy peasy. With the upgrade to a travelling trio, I knew I'd need more time. A couple of days let me make sure essentials were laundered or purchased if needed and I was able to to pack around naps, feedings, changings, playing, and otherwise being mama.

packed, stacked, and ready to roll

Pack light. A lesson learned from years of business travel. Whenever I can, I cart only a carry on. I spent a month in Europe with just a medium-sized duffel bag and it wasn't a backpacking vacation. I even managed an entire week-long business trip with just a carry-on once. However, packing light with a baby is an entirely different story. Not entirely impossible, but a challenge for sure. After several road trips with the car bursting at the seams I was determined to pack lighter for our plane trip. One medium-sized suitcase and one carry-on for one week for the two of us (dad was on his own for packing). Yes HP is entitled to his own bag and his own carry on, but I figure until he's old enough to lug those around, we're going with only my baggage allotment if at all possible!

To fit it all into the limited space, first I pulled out everything I thought I'd need for me and HP and spread it around the floor. Then before I started filling the bags, I removed at a quarter of it right away. I then packed essentials first and as room in the suitcase dwindled, I weeded out about another quarter of the stuff leaving me with about half of what I started with.

spreading and sorting ...

weeded out and packed in :)

The key to making packing light for more than a couple of days on the road is assuming I could do laundry if need be. We were staying with a friend and visiting her parents place, both of which had laundry facilities available. Turned out, I didn't need to do laundry at all, even with only half the gear and some stuff even came home unworn. Even if we were hoteling it, I'd assume I could send essentials to the hotel laundry or wash in the sink if needed.  Packing light is tough, but worth it when you get to maneuvering to, from, and around airports and accommodations. You think you need everything you use at home, but the reality is you can make do quiet easily with much less. 

Bring some, buy some. When packing, it was hard to decide whether to take enough baby stuff with me for the whole trip or take just enough for a day or so, then buying the rest there. I ultimately decided to split it. I took just enough wipes, diapers and cream for the week and decided to buy formula there, taking only enough of that for the first 24 hours. My theory: formula was heavy to carry and we'd likely use the better part of a full case there, making it easier to carry home the leftovers than to bring the full case (of course, if you`re breastfeeding, this doesn`t necessarily apply). Then, I figured the half pack of diapers, the small squishy pack of wipes would be all used up and leave just enough room in the bag to carry back purchases made on the trip (yes, I planned to shop!). Even steven. It worked perfect. If I were going for more than a week, I`d probably only take enough for the first four or five days and then top up as needed - see packing light above!

Leave early. Or better yet, even earlier. As most parents have figured out by now, leaving for anywhere with a baby is best done earlier than planned. They inevitably need to be changed, fed or otherwise entertained before you can get out the door. The same holds true for travel. You are much better off at the airport waiting a few more minutes than sweating with the pedal to the metal trying to catch a flight. Especially if you can't recall whether or not you turned off the oven before you left the house and have to turn around to check. Not saying that happened to us. It may or may not have. Ok it did. But we left early enough to turn around, do a double check, and still be at the airport on time. For the record I did turn it off.

and we're still there with time to spare

Nurse/feed on plane. We ended up with a late evening flight on the way up and an {very} early morning flight on the way back, both of which worked out well for feeding and sleeping. We just stretched Hudson's feeding time to a little later in the days leading up to the flight and then fed him during take off. He ate and went right to sleep. Same on the way back, he ate and went right down for a nap. I highly recommend it as do the other passengers from our flights!


enjoying a late night bottle

followed by a snooze. Cue happy sighs of mama, daddy, and fellow passengers.

Take a backpack. Not just a diaper bag. At least if your diaper bag is the traditional messenger or purse style like mine. One jaunt about on the first day and my shoulder was just about gone carrying the diaper bag. Those bags are A-1 for popping into Starbucks for a coffee or a stroll around Toys-R-Us, not so much for day trips and afternoons on the trot. I was grateful dad's carry-on was a backpack that could serve double duty as a diaper bag on our vacay. So were my shoulders.

Rent necessary big gear. We decided to rent a pack-n-play and a swing for the week we were in Halifax. Most major cities have some sort of company that offers similar services where you can rent everything from playpens and strollers to swings and toys. It is awesome for those items that make your everyday easier but are simply to big or cumbersome to tote. If you're hoteling it and they have a crib, great. If not, find yourself a rental company - of course check out safety of gear, ask how old the equipment is, how long they've been in business, how often they replace it, etc - and be safe and happy. The playpen in the storage closet was a saving grace for us. Though that's another story for another time perhaps.

it was the perfect fit once the bike came out of storage

Assess need for stroller. After realizing that our jogging stroller didn't meet the size requires for gate-checking (the wheels were too big), we reassessed the need for a stroller. Did we check it as luggage? Did we rent one in Halifax? Borrow a smaller one? Pick up a cheap umbrella one? Go without it? We decided to go without it and use just our {awesome} cybex carrier instead. We had a direct flight between two small airports. We were also staying with a friend who had a car for major transport on the other end. We also knew most of our plans involved tight spaces that would be better served by the carrier than a stroller. In the end it worked out perfectly for us. BUT... if I were going anywhere with a stop-over flight, the stroller in the airport would be a MUST. We managed the waiting times before the flights ok without it, but anything longer than that, no way. I've also since been told by several other mamas that if we had taken our stroller-with-it's-too-big-wheels, Air Canada would have likely allowed it as gate check, so I'd probably try that too.

The carrier was perfect

especially in a crowded market!

Limit the must sees. I usually have a long list of must-sees, must-dos and must-eats whenever taking a holiday. I usually prioritize them a little, so some are more a must than others, as you can't always see everything in the time you have or things happen, like flight delays or sickness (oh Venice and Rome I'll forever remember that). With a baby on board it is even more true. There are cranky days or afternoons. There are longer than expected naps. There are great days that seem to go on forever followed by sleepless nights. The reality is, if you want to be happy, if you want your baby to be happy and you want to have a good time, really limit your must sees and have a few nice bonuses instead. Pick one thing a day that you'd like to do and see where it goes from there. A long time ago I heard someone say just assume you'll be back. It makes it much easier to enjoy what you do get to squeeze in.

One of our must sees was a visit to the "cottage" in Chester.
Thanks Karen & Blair for the hospitality, wonderful as always!

R&R baby, R&R. Plan to relax, take breaks and take your time. A baby needs good sleep. So does mama and daddy. Take time to chill out. We learned that heading out after the morning nap was good timing. As was spending some time at our friend's place in the afternoon and being settled back in for bedtime. Hudson was happier than if we pushed him to go all day and we in turn were more chill as well. We ordered in, sipped wine and just enjoyed the R&R. If you're going on a hotel holiday, plan to order room service for a late supper and take a siesta in the afternoon. Perhaps it was not the holidays of my pre-baby days, but enjoyable all the same.

A good motto for any trip... keep calm and carry on.

And of course, it always helps if mama and daddy also enjoy a small, late night bottle at the start of the trip (assuming you're not driving of course!).

Bon Voyage!

Simple Things: Bathtime

I love how this sweet face looks just like his daddy's.
I love how the kitchen mess is there in the background.
I love how a bath in the sink shows the simplicity of childhood.

 Linking up with Rebecca Cooper`s Simple Things.

Sleep Like a Baby

Sleep like a baby. It is quite possibly one of the most inaccurate similes to grace the English language. It should be 'Sleep like a baby my a$$.' I am convinced, beyond any doubt, that the generation of the idiom came from a sleep-deprived parent uttering the words with excess sarcasm. Unfortunately, the person on the receiving end missed the facetiousness and spread the word to the rest of the world under the guise that it was indeed fact. I am also convinced, beyond any doubt, that person listening was childless.

don't let this sweet face deceive you ...

Now, if you're a parent who has an infant that miraculously slept through the night since like day zero or something crazy like that, you can stop reading here. This is not for you. I'm sure your sweet angel of a child is dozing peacefully in the bassinet nearby and you quite likely have something better to do than read my tale of torture, like knit or tat or whatever. Go enjoy your rested self. Please, don't let me interrupt you.

For the rest of you parents, who's baby doesn't (or didn't) exactly sleep like a baby, you feel my pain. My child seems to think he's going to miss something by going to sleep. It's like he thinks I'm going to break out the disco ball and have this kick-ass party when he's not looking. But I swear, changing out of my PJs into some sweats - or if there's a public outing on the agenda, some jeans - is as exciting as it gets around here. Sure, I'm ready to go back to work just so I can dressed up again. But I digress. Little dude just fights the sleep. Nap time, night time, every time.

I'm sure there will come a day when I'm trying to haul his pimply teenage butt out of bed at one in the afternoon and I'll look back on this thinking my gosh how he's changed. Right now though I just can't see it ever happening. Right now, this child of mine has to be convinced to sleep. I know right, who has to be convinced that sleep is a wonderful, wonderful thing? My child, that's who. I swear it's some sort of punishment for something I put my mother through, though I'm not sure what as I was a good little sleeper.

My child, not so much. Whether through rocking, walking or driving, the child needs some sort of motion to drift off. And even then, there are no guarantees it'll last. More often than not, once the car stops moving, the eyes open. Once the side of the crib has been breached, the eyes open. And lay him down in the crib to let him fall asleep on his own, bah-ha-ha-ha-has-hah. Now that's joke if I ever heard one. In fact, any attempt to lay him quietly, the eyes open. And we do the rocking, walking or driving all over again.  I think he thinks it's a game. Well, bud, let me tell you, mama's not a gamer.

asleep ... finally... in the car

But I am about to initiate a game of 'let's see who's the sleep boss around here mister'. You see, I recognize that some of his sleeping issues are a result of the habits we've created as parents. He was so fussy with his tummy troubles as an infant that often the only way to settle him was though a gentle rocking or swinging. So he spent a lot of time being held and rocked or in his (glorious) swing. Any naps he did get, came about that way and still do. I also realize we can't really expect him to expect much different now that we started that routine. Unless of course we teach him different.

Well, teacher mom is about to break out her stern look in the nursery. While I really don't mind rocking him to sleep, it's just that he fights sleep so much that the process can be a long one a lot of the time. Like from 2am-4am the other night. Seriously. And then back up at 5am and again at 6:40am. No joke. Again, I digress. As much as I try to enjoy the midnight snuggles knowing they are indeed fleeting moments, I know in my mommy heart of hearts that the excessive rocking and coercing to sleep is not necessary. I know he can learn to fall asleep on his own.

So soon, very soon, we will begin to change the routine. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. Once he learns to go to sleep on his own, we'll rest a little better around here. Perhaps then we'll all sleep like a baby.

entitled or enriched?

We recently returned from a short holiday in Nova Scotia. Our first real trip as a family. Hudson's first foray into travel. When I boarded the plane with Hudson for that first time, it was with the assumption that this would be the first of many trips in his future. However, shortly upon our return, I read a blog post by a friend that made me pause and think about Hudson's future as a world traveller.

The post, mostly written as a conclusion to the Pecore family's three week adventure in Peru, raised the question of whether taking kids on such trips leaves them more entitled than enriched. Despite the almost obvious nature of the question, it's not something I had considered. Not at all. In fact, I had always just thought about how fortunate Hudson will be to globe trot with his mama and daddy.

You see, Des and I are very much travellers. We've already been to London, France, Italy, British Columbia (Kelowna + Vancouver), Ontario (Niagara-on-the-Lake + Toronto), Nova Scotia, New York, Boston, Chicago, Cleveland, Hershey (yes where the chocolate is made) and Washington, DC. And that's just together. Individually we've also toured San Diego, Los Angeles, Africa, Cuba, Dominican Republic, Ireland, Scotland and an assortment of other Canadian cities. And there's still a long list of places we want to see. Even before Hudson was here, it was just a given any baby of ours would travel too. We would show him the world.

1/ Cheesy Tour Bus Photo in Washington, DC    2/ Times Square NYC    3/ Atop Gros Morne, NL   
4/Sipping a Sam Adams in Boston, MA    5/ On Safari in Zambia, Africa   
6/  In the Bean in Chicago, IL    7/ Savoring the moment outside Momocho in Cleveland, OH   
8/ Wine Tasting in Kelowna, BC     9/ By the vines at Stratus in Niagara-on-the-Lake, ON

But is showing him the world the same as giving him the world? I hadn't for a moment thought about it from that view, though I can see how it could be. I can see how whisking him off to foreign countries on every other family vacation could spoil him. Yes, he could come to assume he will forever travel the world on our dime, that travel means five star hotels and fancy restaurants, that the world is his own precious oyster. But having him see the world from that lens was never our intention. That's just not how we roll.

Nope. We don't work the five-star hotel circuit (except for our time in Rome and ahhh, was that ever niiiiice). Our criteria for accommodations are clean, decent location and have our own washroom. And that last one can go if absolutely necessary. So it's often a standard hotel or good B&B for us.We figure we just need somewhere to lay our heads, we don't spend our days there (except for that time in Rome, but that wasn't nice at all). And so far, aside from one incident with a cockroach that I'll spare you the details on for now, we've had great luck with our budget accommodations.
We also don't eat at fancy restaurants every night. Sure, when we were just two on the trot, there was always a good splurge or two on any trip - such as Bar Amercain in NYC - but more often than not it's a diner, drive-in or dive that has come highly recommended or a spot that seems to be crowded with locals. And not surprisingly, it's usually in these places that we have the best meal. To wit, Momocho in Cleveland where we enjoyed the best Mexican ever, equivalent service and just lingered the evening away over margaritas and wine. Or that Cuban diner in SoHo that I can't remember the name of that served up the best breakfast with a Cuban bevvy on the side - a mojito for breakfast? Yes please! Or Thaipoon in Washington, which was so packed with locals when we walked by earlier in the evening, we knew it would be great Vietnamese and we were not disappointed. Or perhaps best of all, the peaceful afternoon picnic by the Seine in Paris. You see, for us, it's as much the experience as the food and it doesn't have to be high falutin to be great.

We travel easy and relatively inexpensively. We save our pennies and plan our trip in advance. We spend those pennies and our limited time wisely. Our goal is to see the world, experience the culture, meet the people and leave every place just as we found it, taking little other than our memories with us when we go. And this of course is how we plan to teach Hudson to experience the world.

Like Gina, I believe that taking Hudson with us when we travel will ultimately strengthen his character. If we take care to show him how to respect the place and the people, to involve him in the travel decisions both before we go and once we're there, to let him see there is more to this world than his backyard, he will end up more enriched than entitled. Yes, Hudson will be a world traveller and it will be our job to show him that the world is not his oyster, rather that he is but one small fish in a big, big beautiful sea.

Soy Far Soy Good

I've put off writing an update to this post mostly out of fear I'll jinx it all. I'm a little superstitious like that (I come by it naturally, just ask my mother who won't cross a fork and knife on a plate and awaits company any time the broom handle crosses the doorway). Anyhow, out of courtesy for those who have been following along, I figured I should throw caution to the wind a let y'all know how things are going with the little man and his tummy these days.

As mentioned here, we switched the little guy to soy formula somewhere around 8.5 weeks old and saw an improvement the very same day. He actually slept for a little over two hours that afternoon (cue chorus of angels), a first for him since his first week of life. However, after a few days the improvement plateaued and even seemed to decline a bit, hence the trip to the ER. There we were scheduled to meet with a pediatrician, which we did somewhere around 10.5 weeks, give or take a few days.

Through the jigs and the reels, the pediatrician ruled out the ERs guesses of colic, acid reflux, and UTI and concluded that there was likely a sensitivity to milk. He also noted that it's likely something Hudson will outgrow by the time we're ready to introduce real milk to his diet, which was the case for all the others in or family as well.I must interject here how great the doctor was. He was thorough, patient, interested and kind. We didn't feel rushed or like we were just being over-concerned first-time parents. We were able to ask questions and get real answers. So while we were already on the right track in dealing with the issue, using the soy based formula, it was reassuring to hear an experienced medical professional say so.  His advice was essentially to keep calm and carry on, allowing the boy more time to adjust and settle out on the soy.

While keeping calm on no sleep was a challenge, we did carry on, successfully. After about 2.5 weeks on soy formula, the little man started to sleep. And by sleep, I mean like you expect a baby of his age to sleep. Maybe even a little better. We can put him down sometime between 8-9pm and he's good for about 6 hours, up for a fresh diaper and a bottle and back down within about 30 minutes for another 2-3 hours (cue chorus of angels again). He still squirms to no end, sometimes almost spinning a 360 in the crib, and often works his way out of a tightly wrapped and securely velcroed swaddle, but his groaning and grunting has pretty much disappeared.

Yes, there are times between feedings where he's unsettled in the night and needs the pacifier stuck back in or the swaddle adjusted, but overall he's significantly improved. Seriously, the more consistent sleep pattern, even if broken, is like heaven on earth for this momma. I can actually function during the day. Heck I even started running again this week, something I couldn't even muster the energy to think about before now, let alone do.

So (with fingers, toes, and eyes crossed to mitigate any potential jinxing) I happily report, soy far soy good.

A bonus of introducing formula, is that dad gets to enjoy some feeding time cuddles too :)

@ 3 Months

2011 is half over and our little guy is one quarter of the way through his first year of life. Can we say crazy? Life just passes by so quickly. I guess that's due to the myriad of wonderful experiences, the many blessings and overall happiness I'm fortunate to have around me.

@ 3 months our little man

... is growing like a weed. He's somewhere around 13lbs give or take a few ounces and is a long legged little guy. We'll know exact his weight and length after his well baby check-up later this week.

... is starting to discover his hands. It's awfully cute to watch him. You can almost hear him thinking "hmmm, so these things belong to me... and if I open and close the long stick-like parts I can hold onto things... like this blanket...interesting, very interesting."

... has, fortunately, started to settle down a bit while sleeping thanks to the soy (more on that soon). The groaning is pretty much gone, though he still squirms like a worm all night long - seriously, some nights he almost does a 360 in his crib!

... has moved into his nursery. Best thing evah! Mommy and daddy get much more sleep now and he's free to wriggle and giggle all night long. (Not that he really giggles yet, but it rhymed so I went with it.) I thank my old high school friend Susan for that tip, shared via facebook. Momma loves social media like that!

... is getting into a bit of a sleeping/eating pattern, which I know is subject to change on a dime, but we're enjoying it for now. He eats about every 3-4 hours, except at night when we put him down and he'll go about 6 hours before waking for a snack. Any longer between noshes and he becomes Mr. Cranky-Pants (kinda like his momma when she doesn't get food regularly) He also needs a nap about every hour and a half to 2 hours or he becomes Mr. Fussy-Bot, (kinda like his daddy when deprived of a good night's sleep ;)

... still enjoys the tight swaddle at night, though his little hand often sneaks it's way out and, on occasion, our squirmin' herman manages to wriggle both arms all asunder with one hand out through the top and another out through the side.

... has added 'little scooch' to his list of nicknames, earned from all the wriggling and 'scooching' he does!

... loves his playmat, particularly the hanging bees, lights and music. He also loves his crib mobile and smiles wide when we wind it up. He also still loves hanging and napping in his swing.

... has a smile that just melts your heart, especially when you peek in over the crib at him and say good morning.  Love, love, love that moment of the day.

Happy 3 months Hudson!

Mama Said There'd be Days Like This ...

And it wasn't just my mama, but all the mama's I know said there'd be days like this. Days where the newborn babe doesn't sleep, is fussy, is gassy, doesn't settle and you're exhausted, at your wits end and wondering when the reprieve will come. Yes, mama said there'd be days like this. What she didn't say was that there'd be months like this.

We're now well into month two with our little man and unfortunately almost every day (who am I kidding, it is every day ... every single day) is riddled with his poor tummy troubles. He's extremely gassy and uncomfortable most of the day and night. He grunts and groans and squirms, drawing his tiny little legs up to his belly and stretching them back out. He does this whether awake or asleep and when asleep he'd wake himself up crying every 15-45 minutes. It's been so troublesome, we've been to the doctor about six times, have had medication (that didn't work) and had an ultrasound on his stomach (that showed all clear). That's a lot for a little guy just 10 weeks old. Heck, it's a lot for the mama at 32 years old! The only consolation came when we showed the doctor a video and (again) explained what was happening and she acknowledged this isn't normal behaviour for a baby. Yes, some grunting and groaning, some squirming, some fussiness is all par for the course, just not to the extent that our little man seems to have it.

So, whaddya do? Apparently ride it out and hope for the best, which is what we've been doing for weeks. At the doctor's direction and chats with the public health nurses, we've been through the full array of formulas - first on the standard 'as close to breastmilk as possible' followed by a gentle one for fussy/gassy babies followed by a thickened one that's supposed to settle better in their tummy followed by the lactose-free (which made him ten times worse than any of the others!) followed most recently by a soy formula, which seemed to settle Hudson the most. Really, it has been just trial and error. As is the case with the infamous 20/20 hindsight, I should have just listened to my mother five weeks ago when she suggested trying soy, given both my sister and I were intolerant of milk, as was my nephew and one of Des' nieces. Mother knows best. I know that, so why I didn't listen to her is beyond me.

Anyways, fast forward a month when we finally switched to soy, we saw some improvement within hours of introducing it. He can now sleep up to (but not necessarily) a couple of hours without waking, though he stills squirms and grunts and groans throughout his sleep, we have more happy time with him than we had previously and he goes a little longer between feedings. But, he still wakes himself up despite still being sleepy, still keeps us up all night with the constant motion and noise and is still fussy for large portions of the day. After another week of that, we were back to doc who suggested that we continue to soy for a few more weeks. Her theory is that Hudson is sensitive to milk, so his little insides might be agitated and inflamed after weeks of being exposed to it and he just needs a little more time to adjust. So, we resumed riding it out and hoping for the best. 

In the meantime, we're still desperate for sleep and comfort for our boy and the return of some sense of normalcy in our (new) lives. We have been/are willing to try just about anything to get it. Now, don't get me wrong, there are lots of helping hands pitching in to make the time pass more restfully, including my mom and sister, my sisters- and brother-in-laws and friends, all willing to take their turn holding and feeding and (not)sleeping so D and I can get that solid night's sleep to re-energize for the week ahead. And I fully recognize that is much more than many new parents get, though many new parents also get babies that sleep semi-contentedly for longer than 20 minute stints, so I call us even-steven.

In an attempt to discover some untold baby-whispering secrets, I posted a video of the boy doing his thing on Facebook soliciting advice from anyone willing to offer it. Most of what was offered, while very much appreciated, we've already tried. We take care to feed him slowly, burp him well and keep him upright for a while after feeding. We tried Oval drops, which were like giving him water, and Gripe Water, which seems to help a little, but since we started that just after introducing soy we're not sure whether it was the GW or just the soy. Either way, we're not going to play with it to find out. We walk him, rock him, lay him across our knees, sit him upright and pat/rub/massage his back, all of which helps him settle for short times, but doesn't ward off the issue for long. We tried swaddling tight, which stopped the fussing and initial gassiness, but didn't help with sleep. We tried sleeping him on his back (which until very recently was an absolute no-go and sent him in to fits), on his side, on an incline, upright in his swing, even on his tummy while we watched closely. We've co-slept, cradle-slept, and playpen-slept. We tried holding him on our chests while we slept. Each has offered temporary relief, but none helped more than the other and none helped consistently.

This weekend, we tried a new combination of warm bath + massage + clean PJs followed by a story + bottle + good burping + upright snuggle time followed by a nice tight swaddle + placing him on his back on an incline + in his own crib. The only thing new in this mix, other than the combination, was the crib. We avoided that up til now as everyone said he was too small for that yet, but as it was the one piece of advice we'd not yet tried, we gave it a go. The first night went OK, with some decent sleeping.  The second night, not so much. As with all the other endeavours, the results were not consistent.

So, with no further improvement and another few rough nights under our belts, we decided we'd had enough. Not willing to wait another three weeks or more before seeing a pediatrician,we were off to the Janeway last night to see medical professionals who specialize in children and determine if there was something more we could or should be doing. After all was said and done, we concluded that even though the nurses and doctor were excellent, they're all just guessing and there's really no answer. We were told it 'could' be a number of things - possibly  his tummy adjusting to finally be milk free; possibly the just bothered by the number of formula changes he's had even though it was the right course of action to take; possibly a combination of that and some reflux, and perhaps he wasn't kept on zantac long enough; remote possibility of a UTI; or possibly just be colic even though Hudson doesn't show classic signs of colic. They really don't know and as he's otherwise healthy (putting on weight, good colour, regular bowel movements, eating well, etc) there's no need to do any invasive testing now. And if you ask me, I think they say it's possibly colic just because they don't have another explanation.
From here, we're scheduled for a pediatric clinic next week and were sent home with bottles to collect urine samples to rule out a UTI. Now that should be fun, catching the pee of a 2 month old in a bottle. Happy Monday to me ;) Otherwise we were assured it is ok to ignore his noise and squirming at night, so that's what we're trying to do. That, and continue to ride it out.

I, again, unabashedly and unashamedly am open to any advice mamas & papas wiser to babes than I can offer while we ride this out. And while mama may always be right, she was wrong when she said there'd be days like this. It really has been months. The only saving grace at this point is mama also always said that things start to even out in new babes around three months and that seemingly-elusive point-in-time is just two to three weeks away. I hope mama's right about that.

@ 2 Months

Holy smokes, Hudson is 2 months old! It flew by so fast, but also feels like he's been with us forever.

@ 2 months old, Hudson:

... still loves his swing, which is a blessing. He loves it so much we take it with us when we go to Nanny and Poppy's house, even though it means taking it apart somewhat.

... is soothed by the sound of loud white noise. I'm not talking those little white noise machines they make for nurseries (though we do use one of those with him at night), I'm talking about the vacuum cleaner and radio station static on bust. Yep, if he's really fussing and crying, stick him in his swing, plug in the vac and he calms down within minutes. I think we might have the cleanest floors in Paradise! Same in the car, just turn the radio between stations and crank it in the back - presto, quiet babes. Well for a short time anyway.

... is still working through his tummy troubles that keep him, mommy and daddy up all night. We're all hoping that will be sorted out soon. very soon. please and thank you.

... wiggles his little fingers and hands together when he's eating, kind of looking like a little chipmunk.

... has started cooing and oohing and aahing, like he's talking with us and that is awesome.

... usually falls asleep in the car, especially when going 100kms/hr on the highway. I think he gets the "love of speed" from his musclecar-lovin' dad ;)

... weighs about 11 and a half pounds.

... has long baby eyelashes framing those beautiful baby blues.

... looks so much like his handsome daddy that some people call him "mini-Des".

... now looks up at us with a big gummy grin that just melts our hearts and wipes all the troubles away.

Happy 2 Months HP!

Got Milk?

Several titles came to mind for this post ... Milk Duds, Booby Trapped, Bum Boobs, Booby Blues, Got Milk? ... though none of them make me very happy. I'll be honest, my boobs are not a topic I ever thought I'd write about here on my blog. Though, upon reflection, I'm not sure why, given breasts are a huge part of early motherhood. Anyways, it seems I have bum boobs and that leaves me, well, pretty much bummed.

As an expectant mother who fully intends to breastfeed, you have these notions of what it will be like. And really, my notions weren't unrealistic. They weren't of snuggles and cuddles or all motherhood and apple pie. I have enough friends and family who've been through the breastfeeding rounds to know that (despite the assurances that's it's not supposed to hurt) it would be somewhat painful, exhausting and simply hard work. So I entered into it with eyes (or should I say nipples?) wide open and wanting to do it anyway. Breast is best after all. The proof is in the puddin' ... in those plump sweet-cheeked baby puddin's.

My pre-baby breastfeeding notions were that, despite the exhaustion and discomfort, I would do this and breastfeeding would happen the way nature intended. My milk would come in, my babe would get the hang of latching on and together he and I would work out a mutually beneficial mealtime arrangement. What I hadn't expected was that I may not make enough milk for my wee one to eat. Yes, I had heard the stories of people who had those experiences, even of people who didn't make milk at all, I just hadn't expected it to be me.

After two weeks of regular feedings and pumping and topping up with expressed milk at bedtime, my little man went from noshing on one boob to demanding both. No biggie, you want both, you get both little man - you're the boss after all. Yet. despite that increased access and hour-long feedings every two to three hours, little man just did not gain weight. He should have been back to his birth weight around the two-week mark, but two and half weeks in he's still coming up short or perhaps I should say light. In the second week, he only put on a half ounce total when he should have put on about a half ounce to an ounce a day. Mama was calling him her little chicken and then took to calling him her skinny little chicken.

My doctor suggested I supplement feedings with formula to help boost the little man into a Fatty McGee. While I was far from happy about introducing formula, putting some rolls on those chicken legs and making sure little man is healthy was my top priority. So, through many many many tears (emphasis on many), I began a regime of breastfeeding with one breast, topping up with formula and then pumping the other to keep the supply and demand production on the go.

My hope was that this process would put weight on da' babe and more milk in mah boobies, allowing me to transition back to exclusively breastfeeding. Unfortunately this isn't how the whole scene played out. Little man did start to gain weight - almost a pound in one week! - however, mah boobies were milk duds and just weren't making any more milk than they were making our first week home. I drank litres of water, ate well and rested as best I could. I did breast compression, massage and warm compresses. I'd nurse and pump and nurse and pump and then pump some more to stimulate production, but barely get an ounce out at any given time. Though I think I cried pounds of tears. It was a bad scene all around. Once we knew the little guy's weight was back up, I even tried nursing him from both breasts and pumping off what was left, which was barely anything and yet the little man was still ravenous, rooting and wailing for more. More of what I didn't have to give.

Turned out I have a low milk supply meaning my breasts simply did not make enough milk to satiate Hudson's appetite. It was heartbreaking to watch him try and try and try to nurse and become frustrated at my breast when it wasn't enough. It was exhausting for both of us as the whole nurse-supplement-pump regime was taking an hour and a half or more, every two to three hours. The more we tried, the more we both cried. This wasn't working out the way I had envisioned, hoped or wanted.

I talked to the nurses at the breastfeeding clinic. I talked to my doctor. I talked to my husband and my mother. Or perhaps I should say I cried to the nurses, the doctor, my husband and my mother. I needed to know my options. The nurses suggested a drug to enhance milk supply. I did my own research into the drug and found the FDA does not recommend it for this purpose, as the drug is not approved nor intended for that purpose. My doctor also did not recommend that option, unless I insisted upon it. Concerned that my family physician of 10+ years and the FDA are not favouring the drugs and aware of the possible side effects, I decided it wasn't for us.

My remaining options were to either continue the supplementing regime or switch to full formula feeding. As much as I wanted to continue breastfeeding, the supplementing process was also not working for us. Hudson was working much too hard for food from my breast and still ending up hungry. Mama was getting more stressed and exhausted by the hour, which of course is good for neither mom, babe or daddy. I also knew in my heart that, at most, I might get another week or two before my body or baby decided to put an end to it for me.

So, with my husband and my mother supporting me in whatever choice I made, I finally allowed myself to consider full formula feeding. And it was far from easy to make. I sat in my doctor's office and cried to break my heart, listening to her logically explain that it was not "bad" to choose formula, yet still feeling somehow like I was failing. Failing myself, failing my son, failing my family.

Before I had my own babe, I had heard mothers talk about the guilt and anxiety over using formula. At the time, I thought what's the big deal? Both work as nutrition for your child and it is a personal, intimate decision that only parents can make. It's about what's best for your baby and your family, so go with whatever works. Now, as a mother, I understand. More tears have been shed over formula and feeding in the last six weeks  than I could have ever imagined. I wanted to breastfeed. Breast is best. Yet, despite the being physically unable to do so, I feel guilty. Why? I think it's because that's what "they" say we "should" do. It's because we, as expecting mothers, are told we're "supposed" to do. And when you don't or can't, somehow that's become a bad thing. This societal expectation leaves me as a new mother feeling guilty and anxious, it leaves me feeling angry and upset at myself for not being able, it makes me feel like I'm being judged. Right or wrong, that's the way it is.

Even having made the decision to switch to formula after nearly a month of trying to make breastfeeding work when there was little milk to work with, I still well up when I think about it. This is despite having a happy, healthy, satisfied little boy who no longer has to work hard for food or get frustrated trying to eat. This is despite mama being able to actually get some rest throughout day. This is despite being able to spend quality time reading and playing together rather than spending that time stressfully trying to feed. This is despite daddy being able to partake more in the bonding and feeding process. Somehow I still feel bad and guilty about something that is working for our family.

With all my heart and soul, I wish I "Got Milk?" instead of getting "Milk Duds", but I didn't. So, I write this mostly as it is cathartic for me to do so, in the hope that I can reflect on it with reason and logic at some point in the future. I also write this in case it can be shared with some other new mother who can't or chooses not to reach the bar set so high by society knows they are not alone and knows that is is OK.

Wordless Wednesday

Just adding a bit of cute to your day...

Why is it little boys clothes looks so grown up and so cute - jeans and a henley onesie?

Rockin' the Robes

These days it seems everything comes in mini... Mini Coopers, Reeses Mini's, even mini robes for babes.

Hudson has not one, not two, not three, but FOUR mini robes! And he rocks those robes with such style I fear I may have the next Hugh Hefner on my hands.

The baby blue dog eared robe from Aunt Jodie

 

The yellow ducky robe from Aunt Sherri, all the way from Florida.



Lovin' the oh-so-sophisticated robe from Cathy

And this plush, cozy white robe from Erin even came with mini slippers.

Aren't mini things the cutest :)

And just in case you haven't overloaded on the cute factor yet, here's a bonus shot for ya!

:

Hudson: "Oh mommy, you're soooo funny!"

Before & After

'Let sleeping dogs lie' is a well-known expression meaning you shouldn't disturb a situation as it would result in trouble or complication. I think it should officially be changed to 'let sleeping babies lie'.

Seriously. They say you should wake babies to eat every three to four hours, but when they look like this before:

and they look like this after, why?

If this installment of `before & after`doesn't convince the world to change the expression I don't know what would. I, for one, will be letting sleeping babies lie more often from here on out.

@ 1 Month

I can hardly even believe that our wee one is one month old. It seems like we were just
(im)patiently waiting for him to arrive and he's now been with us for four whole weeks!

@ 1 month, our little man

... loves to be snuggled and cuddled, especially on our chests.

... strongly dislikes being placed on his back, whether for naps, diaper changes or playtime.

... is a very happy camper in his swing. I wholeheartedly commend and thank the inventors of this marvelous contraption.

... has finally started to put on weight, a welcomed addition after a couple of weeks of little to no gain.

... has only just moved out of newborn-sized diapers and sleepers.

... still keeps his little hands up by his face, just like he did in the womb, often looking like he's ready to fight.

... eats about every three hours and sleeps a whole lot in between - just not always during the wee hours of the morning when mama would prefer it. 

... is starting to turn toward and follow toys and faces and sounds.

... resists being swaddled up tightly like a baby burrito, but usually calms within minutes once he's been wrapped and cuddled. Thank you Dr. Karp for the perfecting and sharing the technique.

... has been given nicknames of Little Chicken and HP.

... doesn't cry a lot, instead makes a lot of little noises that sound like a cross between a baby sheep, mewing kitten, and a little pony. {Note to self: get that on video before he stops making these sweet sounds}

... has the sweetest smile and baby pout {even if both are gas-induced} and mama already knows it will be hard to say 'no' when he breaks out either on her as he gets older.

... has easily stolen the hearts of his large and extended family, most notably that of his mama and daddy.

Happy 1 month birthday Hudson.
xoxo

Right Now...

Right now, I am:

... in awe of this handsome, healthy, happy boy of mine.

... completely sleep deprived, trying (relatively unsuccessfully thus far) to teach myself how to nap midday.

... craving hot cups of coffee and long hot showers, yet enjoying cuddles and the occasional coo instead.

... adjusting to our new life routine with Hudson - eat, burp, diaper change, sleep (him, not me), rinse and repeat.

... grateful for my mom, who made the transition home and first couple of weeks with little man so much easier.

... adoring and appreciating my handsome husband for his patience, love and support. We were a family of  two and now we're a happy trio.

... reminding myself to be OPEN to this new experience of motherhood, with all its ups and downs, knowing these early days will pass much too quickly and before long be a distant memory in my heart.

Maybe a little MIA

As most of you know, I've been a little busy over the past week. D and I welcomed Hudson Peter Ryan into our lives last Monday morning and life has been completely and wonderfully changed ever since.

We're adjusting to sleep deprivation and frequent feedings, to diaper changes and figuring out little cries. And of course we're also enjoying plenty of snuggles, cuddles and kisses.

We're very fortunate and beyond grateful that my mom has been here with us since last Friday and will stay until this weekend. She's been a God-send, keeping the laundry, dishes, meals and such going. But better than that, she is an amazing snuggler. Or at least that's what Hudson tells me.

As we continue to adjust to this new life as a family of three, I expect I'll be a little MIA on the blog over the next few weeks. Perhaps a post intermittently, but my first priority will be keeping the wee one fed, rested, clean and clothed. After that, I'll be focusing on the same for mama. If there are spare minutes in between, you might find me here. And of course, for anyone who's close enough you can come enjoy the soft-skinned angel for yourself.

Poo Stains

Somehow, I think this laundry tip will come in handy over the next few months.

Before

Image from ohdeehdoh.com

 After

Image from ohdeehdoh.com

I hope D doesn't mind a spread of onesies on the lawn next to his muscle cars. Maybe if it's this onesie he'll be OK with it:

Happy Friday!