Happy Father's Day

I met my husband 10 years ago at work. Though it would be three years before we started dating, I always liked him. He was handsome, funny, smart, kind, respectful and respected. As we started dating, I watched him with his nieces and nephews, of which there are 13, I saw how he treated each of them with the same respect, humour, and kindness he gave to everyone, regardless of their age. Even in those early days I remember thinking how he would be a great dad someday.

That day is now here. We welcomed Hudson Peter into our lives, home and hearts on April 4 and everything I ever imagined Des would be as a dad, he is to Hudson and more.

He holds him, comforts him and talks to him.

He changes him, bathes him, feeds him and snuggles him to sleep.

He tells him stories, sings him songs, plays with him and walks with him. 

He makes sure he has everything he needs to be happy, healthy and comfortable.

He simply loves our boy. And our boy loves him.

I love watching the bond between my boys grow stronger every day. I love watching Hudson smile up at his dad with those big baby blues knowing he is loved. And even more, I love watching my husband be the father he was meant to be.

Happy Father's Day D ~ We love you.

There's an App for That

When AT&T aired their "There's An App For That" iPhone commercial back in 2009, I never thought I'd be grateful that they weren't lying when they said "there's an app for just about anything only on the iPhone". In fact, I never thought much about the ad at all as I didn't own an iPhone - then or now. Fortunately for me, my husband does.

While at the Janeway with Hudson on Sunday night waiting to see the doctor, it came close to feeding time. However, all around the waiting room are large signs saying don't give your child anything to eat or drink until they see a doctor. Uhm, yeah, ok. That might be easier said than done when it comes to a two month old. It's not exactly like you can rationalize with them about it. So I spoke with the triage nurse to see if that applied to us and, of course as my luck would have it, it did. No food for the boy until after the doctor had seen him.

Fingers crossed, I hoped the little man would surprise us and want to eat later than sooner. Again, as my luck would have it, he didn't. He started singing for his supper in the ER waiting room. Oh joy, oh bliss for us and the dozen other people there. I took him to the back of the waiting area to at least distant the others from the noise, swaddled him as that often helps calm him down for a short time and wished we had a vacuum cleaner or radio for static, which also usually calms him down more quickly than anything else. Alas, the Janeway ER doesn't come equipped with vacuums.




ahhh, Kenmore Upright, how do I love thee...

 As I try bouncing and rocking the swaddled wailing child-o-mine, Des says "I'll be right back" and quickly leaves the Janeway waiting room. While I know he hadn't abandoned us - he loves us too much for that - I wondered what on earth was so important that it had to be done that minute. I continued to rock and bounce to settle the boy, when my smarter-than-Einstein husband returned. He remembered that there's an app for just about anything and had gone outside to get phone service and downloaded a white noise app by TM Soft.

Yes, that's right people. There's a white noise app that, when turned up on top volume, serves the same purpose as a vacuum or radio static for our sweet child. It lulls him into a calm state and, luckily for us, that evening it also lulled him to sleep until we saw the doctor. We did the consult and by the end of it Hudson was again crying for his bedtime snack, so we fed him there at the hospital and placed him and the iPhone blaring white noise in his car seat and headed for home. The boy was sound asleep before we left the parking lot.

Thank goodness there's an app for that.

Mama Said There'd be Days Like This ...

And it wasn't just my mama, but all the mama's I know said there'd be days like this. Days where the newborn babe doesn't sleep, is fussy, is gassy, doesn't settle and you're exhausted, at your wits end and wondering when the reprieve will come. Yes, mama said there'd be days like this. What she didn't say was that there'd be months like this.

We're now well into month two with our little man and unfortunately almost every day (who am I kidding, it is every day ... every single day) is riddled with his poor tummy troubles. He's extremely gassy and uncomfortable most of the day and night. He grunts and groans and squirms, drawing his tiny little legs up to his belly and stretching them back out. He does this whether awake or asleep and when asleep he'd wake himself up crying every 15-45 minutes. It's been so troublesome, we've been to the doctor about six times, have had medication (that didn't work) and had an ultrasound on his stomach (that showed all clear). That's a lot for a little guy just 10 weeks old. Heck, it's a lot for the mama at 32 years old! The only consolation came when we showed the doctor a video and (again) explained what was happening and she acknowledged this isn't normal behaviour for a baby. Yes, some grunting and groaning, some squirming, some fussiness is all par for the course, just not to the extent that our little man seems to have it.

So, whaddya do? Apparently ride it out and hope for the best, which is what we've been doing for weeks. At the doctor's direction and chats with the public health nurses, we've been through the full array of formulas - first on the standard 'as close to breastmilk as possible' followed by a gentle one for fussy/gassy babies followed by a thickened one that's supposed to settle better in their tummy followed by the lactose-free (which made him ten times worse than any of the others!) followed most recently by a soy formula, which seemed to settle Hudson the most. Really, it has been just trial and error. As is the case with the infamous 20/20 hindsight, I should have just listened to my mother five weeks ago when she suggested trying soy, given both my sister and I were intolerant of milk, as was my nephew and one of Des' nieces. Mother knows best. I know that, so why I didn't listen to her is beyond me.

Anyways, fast forward a month when we finally switched to soy, we saw some improvement within hours of introducing it. He can now sleep up to (but not necessarily) a couple of hours without waking, though he stills squirms and grunts and groans throughout his sleep, we have more happy time with him than we had previously and he goes a little longer between feedings. But, he still wakes himself up despite still being sleepy, still keeps us up all night with the constant motion and noise and is still fussy for large portions of the day. After another week of that, we were back to doc who suggested that we continue to soy for a few more weeks. Her theory is that Hudson is sensitive to milk, so his little insides might be agitated and inflamed after weeks of being exposed to it and he just needs a little more time to adjust. So, we resumed riding it out and hoping for the best. 

In the meantime, we're still desperate for sleep and comfort for our boy and the return of some sense of normalcy in our (new) lives. We have been/are willing to try just about anything to get it. Now, don't get me wrong, there are lots of helping hands pitching in to make the time pass more restfully, including my mom and sister, my sisters- and brother-in-laws and friends, all willing to take their turn holding and feeding and (not)sleeping so D and I can get that solid night's sleep to re-energize for the week ahead. And I fully recognize that is much more than many new parents get, though many new parents also get babies that sleep semi-contentedly for longer than 20 minute stints, so I call us even-steven.

In an attempt to discover some untold baby-whispering secrets, I posted a video of the boy doing his thing on Facebook soliciting advice from anyone willing to offer it. Most of what was offered, while very much appreciated, we've already tried. We take care to feed him slowly, burp him well and keep him upright for a while after feeding. We tried Oval drops, which were like giving him water, and Gripe Water, which seems to help a little, but since we started that just after introducing soy we're not sure whether it was the GW or just the soy. Either way, we're not going to play with it to find out. We walk him, rock him, lay him across our knees, sit him upright and pat/rub/massage his back, all of which helps him settle for short times, but doesn't ward off the issue for long. We tried swaddling tight, which stopped the fussing and initial gassiness, but didn't help with sleep. We tried sleeping him on his back (which until very recently was an absolute no-go and sent him in to fits), on his side, on an incline, upright in his swing, even on his tummy while we watched closely. We've co-slept, cradle-slept, and playpen-slept. We tried holding him on our chests while we slept. Each has offered temporary relief, but none helped more than the other and none helped consistently.

This weekend, we tried a new combination of warm bath + massage + clean PJs followed by a story + bottle + good burping + upright snuggle time followed by a nice tight swaddle + placing him on his back on an incline + in his own crib. The only thing new in this mix, other than the combination, was the crib. We avoided that up til now as everyone said he was too small for that yet, but as it was the one piece of advice we'd not yet tried, we gave it a go. The first night went OK, with some decent sleeping.  The second night, not so much. As with all the other endeavours, the results were not consistent.

So, with no further improvement and another few rough nights under our belts, we decided we'd had enough. Not willing to wait another three weeks or more before seeing a pediatrician,we were off to the Janeway last night to see medical professionals who specialize in children and determine if there was something more we could or should be doing. After all was said and done, we concluded that even though the nurses and doctor were excellent, they're all just guessing and there's really no answer. We were told it 'could' be a number of things - possibly  his tummy adjusting to finally be milk free; possibly the just bothered by the number of formula changes he's had even though it was the right course of action to take; possibly a combination of that and some reflux, and perhaps he wasn't kept on zantac long enough; remote possibility of a UTI; or possibly just be colic even though Hudson doesn't show classic signs of colic. They really don't know and as he's otherwise healthy (putting on weight, good colour, regular bowel movements, eating well, etc) there's no need to do any invasive testing now. And if you ask me, I think they say it's possibly colic just because they don't have another explanation.
From here, we're scheduled for a pediatric clinic next week and were sent home with bottles to collect urine samples to rule out a UTI. Now that should be fun, catching the pee of a 2 month old in a bottle. Happy Monday to me ;) Otherwise we were assured it is ok to ignore his noise and squirming at night, so that's what we're trying to do. That, and continue to ride it out.

I, again, unabashedly and unashamedly am open to any advice mamas & papas wiser to babes than I can offer while we ride this out. And while mama may always be right, she was wrong when she said there'd be days like this. It really has been months. The only saving grace at this point is mama also always said that things start to even out in new babes around three months and that seemingly-elusive point-in-time is just two to three weeks away. I hope mama's right about that.

Documenting Life

I started scrapbooking about six years ago after a friend of mine introduced me to it. We took a beginners class together and I was hooked. I loved the colourful papers, the fancy embellishments and making pretty pages. My first real project was a Christmas gift for my mom, an album full of layouts of our family through the years. At the time, I just thought it would make a nice gift, something she'd really enjoy. Of course, it was, but I quickly came to realize that, for me, scrapbooking is much more than creating pretty pages. It is capturing the stories, the memories, the moments of life on a page, preserving them for the future.

Just think about all the stories of your own childhood that remain untold to you because they've faded or blurred in the minds of your parents as time passed and lives changed and everyday got busier. Think of the stories of your parents' childhood that you never heard because your grandparents have passed or have aged. First words and favourite toys, daily routines and holiday traditions, quirky habits and traits passed down from generation to generation. When I scrapbook, that's what I want to tell - the stories of our life.

Even before Hudson joined our family, I knew scrapbooking was my way of ensuring my children and their children know their family history. Yes, photos alone can preserve history, but not as completely, not as richly. Photos usually remain unmarked and undated, so once the owner of the photo is gone, so are the details. And in today's electronic world, it's worse as photos rarely make it out of the computer and/or are lost with a keystroke or a hard drive crash. Don't get me wrong, I love photo albums and make it a point to print pictures and put them in albums as I simply can't scrap every picture I take. But scrapbooking takes those special memories, be it celebrations or the simplicity of everyday, and tells the full story behind the picture.

Proof I keep albums and albums of photos that are not scrapbooked (yet ;)

When I first started scrapbooking, I was more interested in whether the papers matched, whether it was in line with current trends, and whether each element was perfectly put on the page. Now, I'm more interested in making sure the story is told as I know years from now, Hudson won't care whether I've found the perfect shade of blue paper or if I used a flower instead of a butterfly or if the pictures are aligned exactly straight. What he'll care about is reading about his childhood, his parents' month-long vacation in Europe years before he was born, our wedding and, more importantly, our marriage and our family. This post on Write.Click.Scrapbook early this week reminded me of that.  

Right now, I too have a stack of unfinished projects. I have pages in progress waiting for the "right" finishing touch. Right now, I don't have nearly as much time as I'd like to do this hobby I love. Right now, I'm reminding myself that it's ok if it's not "just right" and it's ok if it's a work in progress. Right now, I'm reminding myself to instead jot notes and blog and take pictures. Right now, I'm reminding myself to make just a little time here and there so the stories of today won't be lost tomorrow. 
I think we should all do this in some way. Whether it's a blog, a journal, photos in albums, videos, scrapbooks, whatever form suits your life, there is such value in documenting your life. Already, I watch my three year old nephew flip through the album I made for my mom. I hear him say "that's my mommy as a baby" and "that's my mommy at a party, she's pretty" and it makes me smile. I know someday (too) soon Hudson will be doing the same thing and that makes me smile even wider. And that, my friends, is why I document life.

@ 2 Months

Holy smokes, Hudson is 2 months old! It flew by so fast, but also feels like he's been with us forever.

@ 2 months old, Hudson:

... still loves his swing, which is a blessing. He loves it so much we take it with us when we go to Nanny and Poppy's house, even though it means taking it apart somewhat.

... is soothed by the sound of loud white noise. I'm not talking those little white noise machines they make for nurseries (though we do use one of those with him at night), I'm talking about the vacuum cleaner and radio station static on bust. Yep, if he's really fussing and crying, stick him in his swing, plug in the vac and he calms down within minutes. I think we might have the cleanest floors in Paradise! Same in the car, just turn the radio between stations and crank it in the back - presto, quiet babes. Well for a short time anyway.

... is still working through his tummy troubles that keep him, mommy and daddy up all night. We're all hoping that will be sorted out soon. very soon. please and thank you.

... wiggles his little fingers and hands together when he's eating, kind of looking like a little chipmunk.

... has started cooing and oohing and aahing, like he's talking with us and that is awesome.

... usually falls asleep in the car, especially when going 100kms/hr on the highway. I think he gets the "love of speed" from his musclecar-lovin' dad ;)

... weighs about 11 and a half pounds.

... has long baby eyelashes framing those beautiful baby blues.

... looks so much like his handsome daddy that some people call him "mini-Des".

... now looks up at us with a big gummy grin that just melts our hearts and wipes all the troubles away.

Happy 2 Months HP!